dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
