Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize