I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
