I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
