Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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