Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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