i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize