I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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