2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
