I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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