Your mouth is God's brothel.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
