I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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