I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
