She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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