You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
