whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
