No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
