but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
