How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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