Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
