I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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