Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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