Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
