I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
