i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
