I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize