I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
