sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize