he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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