I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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