I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
