I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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