There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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