im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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