why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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