no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
