Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
