Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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