Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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