I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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