it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
