dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
