I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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