I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
