I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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