The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
