Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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