I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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