I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
