Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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