When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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