I look better un-naked...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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