I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
