Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
