my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
