cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
