He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
two words: eviction party
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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