Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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