He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
