I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize