I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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