cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
