He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
