well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
