no you cant smoke seaweed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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