clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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