This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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