that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
