So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
