their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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