dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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