I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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