why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
